yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
