Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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