That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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