Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
