woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I wish i was in the wii world.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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