I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
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