Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I think my nap took me to another dimension
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
