You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
