I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
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