dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
We had to coat check the pizza.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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