im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Randomize
