did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
