When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
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