College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
