Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Randomize
