he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
You know, be my cock's hype man.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Randomize
