is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
