wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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