I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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