You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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