Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
