It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
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I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
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Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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