oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
