WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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