ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
