i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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