i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
