I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
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I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
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I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
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