Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
