I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
