So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Randomize
