Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
