we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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