im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
