Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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