Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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