Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
