do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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