People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
