The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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