just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
