420 ftw
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
