i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
