Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
