Yo dont text me then not text me
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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