you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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