I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
