She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
