so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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