I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
