I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
