Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
home. puking in laundry basket.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
