the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
