it's too hot outside to masturbate.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
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