i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Randomize
