So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Randomize
