My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
