Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
