you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I got inside last night via doggy door
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
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