just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Randomize
