I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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