I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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