it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
