So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize