what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
