Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
