I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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