Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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