my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
