I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
