What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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