he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
