WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
