You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
