Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
30 People Reveal The Moment They Realized: ‘Oh Sh*t, I’m An A**hole’
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
30 Tiny Celebrity Tattoos You’ll Want To Run Out And Copy ASAP
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
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