he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
