how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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