I need to stop coming to work sober
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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