We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
