i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
