and you said cock pushups were impossible
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
