I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
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He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
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I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
This is my life. Enjoy the view
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize