I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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