i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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